Caitlyn Jenner and Josh Duggar

Oh boy, have these two names been the hot topics of all types of media in recent weeks. Frankly, I am tired of hearing about it, and yet I cannot stop thinking about them. The issues of transgender acceptance and child abuse are ones that I have had to confront in my time as a social worker, more so the latter than the former, but they are issues we should all think about because they are ones that will not go away. First of all, let me put it out there: I am a Christian, and therefore my worldview is governed by my values and doctrines to which I hold true. This shapes how I look at these situations. Secondly, I am not super conservative. Like I said, I was in the field of social work, which tends to lean to the left. I think I am somewhere in the middle when it comes to particular issues, but that doesn't mean I don't feel strongly about them. I am not wishy washy in my convictions. That said, here I go! The idea of becoming transgender is not a new one. I went to a very liberal school to get my masters, and we had a transgender bathroom. This was 5 years ago. And as the Bible says in Lamentations, there is nothing new under the sun. What may seem new is our sudden overly eager acceptance to this issue whereas before was something controversial and to the majority of society, unacceptable. But now we are more tolerant, or at least the media wants us to be. Many conservatives are pushing back, most are saying nothing (in the political world) for fear of backlash from civil rights groups. I get it. It is unknown territory, and it can be easier to just go with the flow. Those pushing back, however, tend toward the unlovely characteristics of hatred, bigotry, and ignorance. I may not agree with Caitlyn Jenner's decision to become a woman, but that does not mean I hate her. I also do not want to praise her for any kind of bravery or heroism. To me, and this is my opinion alone, I feel that she has missed out on the greatest type of love and acceptance there is: God's! The healing of her confused heart and mind, the love that she could have (and still can!!!) received when she went through dark times could have had an even more amazing impact on our society instead of the road she chose. She doesn't know that she is "fearfully and wonderfully made" by the Creator of the universe (see Psalm 139). She doesn't know how loved she is by a God who knows her every single detail, including all the hairs on her head! And this just makes me sad how much she is missing out by having a genuine relationship with Jesus, who wants to take all of her hurt, make it His, and redeem her to wholeness. To Caitlyn Jenner, it is never too late to receive Christ's love and grace. And He wants you to be His child more than anything in this world. He loved you so much, He gave up His life for you (see John 3:16). You may feel that this was the only way to become yourself. I am telling you that you are wrong. Jesus is the only way to become whole. And then there were the Duggars. I have watched their show out of fascination for years! They are like the bearded lady circus act at which I cannot simply stop staring. That being said, I am angry with them for how they have handled the past situation of their son's behavior. They are supposed to be held at a higher standard because they know God's truth. I have tried so hard to put myself in Jim Bob and Michele's position, and I can understand why they reacted the way they did. It must have been out of fear. Fear that their son would be held accountable by the authorities at such a young age. I get it. But! What I don't understand is that in the midst of them protecting a beloved son, they ignored that their daughters had been sexually abused, and failed to keep them safe. Yes, eventually, these girls received therapy, but how much damage had been created in the meantime is just upsetting. God wants us to protect the weak, and as parents, the Duggars failed in this area. I am sure they regret it, and I hope they have learned from their mistakes. Josh Duggar, you are reaping what you have sowed. When we belong to God, we are His children, he does love us, and His forgiveness is given to us unconditionally. We also cannot get away with sin; He is a just God and will discipline us. My compassion for you is low. My only hope is that this story does go away so that those you victimized will not be re-traumatized any further. My heart breaks for your sisters, and while I know they have forgiven you, I am sure they still have to deal with thoughts and feelings triggered by the abuse to this day. I also hope that you stay away from the pitfalls of becoming abusive to anyone again. I know God can change a person, and I hope that is still true for you to this day. He loves you, and he loves your sisters. And in that regard, may the media drop this and move on to the next thing that infuriates. Well, I hope I have given you food for thought on these issues. I do not expect you to agree with me, but just to consider a different way of looking at what's going on in our world.

Mommyhood and the Mean Girl Culture

Hello! It has been over two years since my last post…time has surely gotten away from me as I have begun the journey of becoming a mom. Now that I have a most beautiful 17 month old, Logan, and am pregnant with my second, I wanted to share some things that have been haunting my thoughts in the wee hours of the morning. While some of these thoughts are not new, they hit me like a freight train in the middle of the night last night. I was up because: 1. I always get up to pee because, well that's what you do when you are pregnant, and 2. I couldn't breathe because I have a cold and have to rely on home remedies i.e. lots of steam, neti potting, humidifier blasting cool mist which soaks my sheets more than anything else, and prayer to get rid of the congestion. Good times. Anyway, I was thinking about my little one in my belly and wondering if the babe is going to be a girl (I think it is…I will find out in a couple of weeks). If this child is a girl, I just imagine the things she will have to endure within our culture. Let's face it, girl culture has been the same for as long as the human race has been around, of that I am sure. But it seems to be getting worse because of reality TV and social media. I don't want my little girl (or boy) to have to put up with mean girls. I know I did, and I survived, but it is no fun. Sometimes the sweet, nice girls becomes a mean girl because she is friends with her. I know I did, and I survived. I know I can still be a mean girl, and I hate that part of me. It is ugly and usually fueled by contempt, jealousy, lack of understanding of a person, and prejudice. Ew. All of those things are not qualities I want my children to see in me…ever! What brought on these thoughts of the "Mean Girl Culture" was the simple fact that I was watching the Women Tell All episode of the Bachelor. I am blushing with shame as I reveal that I watch this ridiculous show. Every season, they have this episode to reveal the "truth" behind all the drama, with the women accusing one another of bad behavior, and with all of them shedding tears, shaking heads in disbelief, and lots of rude eye rolling. And for what? A guy? Is that where their self worth lies? And is their self worth further elevated by tearing down the girls that the rest of them don't like? Do they feel better about themselves for saying nasty things and pointing fingers and not listening when someone is trying to apologize? Mean. They were all mean last night, and all season long. And mommyhood can also be just as mean. It has become a subculture of the overarching Mean Girl category. We compare and contrast, seeing who does things better than the next mom, and I know I have fallen into this as well. I am not proud, but the more I realize I am doing it, the more I want God to change my heart. I want to be the type of mom who accepts everyone and loves them right where they are, to encourage and not tear down. I want to be a mom who lends a helping hand or offers soft advice or prays for those who need it. I want to be a mom that would make my Father in heaven proud. I don't want ugly behavior to show up when I feel threatened by another mom, because what would I be teaching my children? That is not what being the light of the world or salt of the earth, you know, the kind Jesus talked about us becoming, looks like. So while watching the Bachelor has never been an edifying experience for me, it did teach me a good lesson last night. Being a mean girl means being an ugly one. It means not being a good friend, mom, or person. And above all, I want my self-worth to be based on how God views me and not through the means of tearing others down.